Thankful for the trials He’s put me through

Today I am thankful for the trials that He has put me through.

I know that I would not be where I am today had I never overcome those trials.

I am thankful for the day that I stepped into an Apostolic church, and felt that wonderful presence of the Holy Ghost.

I now understand that 15 years ago He knew what I would face and what I would need as I walked this journey.

7 years ago, on November 10, 2009, we sat in a hospital room at Brenner Children’s Hospital with Braxton, unsure of what was wrong with our very sick little boy.

It was raining, I was 20 weeks pregnant with Zoe and we were scared, so very very scared of the uncertainty of the situation.

The doctors (because just one isn’t scary enough they had to send in 4) walked in overly somber and told us that our sweet 2 year old had Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. CANCER!

At that moment, the world around us stopped. Cancer,  such a final word.

I never expected we would face that, but we knew that God was in control …. I don’t know how anyone faces these trials in life without Jesus. I don’t know how they go through it without family, and a Pastor and church family. From the very beginning Braxton was blessed with AMAZING doctors both at Brenner’s and then after our move, at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital.

I recently started following an adult on social media that is under going grueling chemo treatments and I get emotional sometimes as she talks about the side effects and how her body is feeling, and to think that a baby went through those same feelings unable to tell us what was going on, it makes my heart hurt all over again.

We love to tell Braxton that from coast to coast we had people praying for him. While I would never wish this horrible sickness on anyone, I am grateful today that God put us through the fire only to prove that He was with us all along. Today our faith is stronger, and we believe in the power of prayer more than ever.

Braxton is a walking testimony. A MIRACLE!

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All around the house and the hospital room I had scriptures placed and these were 2 of my favorites…

1 Corinthians 10:13 “there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Job 23:10 says “But he knoweth the way that I take:  when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.”

 

Some days, I do sit back as a mama, I don’t understand why my baby had to get so sick. Along this journey I watched as other mama’s held their babies for the last time. I watched as other children endured far worse effects of the chemo and radiation. I watched my little boy so sick that he couldn’t walk and barely had the energy to talk. I watched him suffer through medications that made him horribly sick. I mastered holding a vomit bucket while driving down the road. We learned to occupy our time while quarantined in a small hospital room for a week and 2 weeks at a time. We spent 3 Christmases and 3 Thanksgiving’s and birthdays in the hospital. We visited with Zoe in waiting rooms before she went back to stay with Papaw and Nana for the weeks we were in the hospital. We learned to sleep through IV beeps and early morning checks. We learned medical  terminology and how to calculate an ANC. We learned the signs of anemia and we knew when a fever was coming. We understand long waits in the ER and midnight runs. We know the effects of steroids and what “roid rage” looks like in a 2 year old.  We watched him undergo countless spinal taps, countless moments of being placed under sedation. And, through it all, he NEVER complained. Not once!

Today we watch as he memorizes scriptures and sings for Jesus. We watch as he soars in his classroom at school and we watch as he GROWS into a healthy young man. We watch as he smiles, and builds Legos, plays with his friends, and we watch as he sleeps comfortably in his bed at night. We know that he has great things ahead of him in the future. And he has an awesome testimony that one day he will fully understand. For now I will make sure to shout it from the roof tops.

I know that at 2 he felt Jesus with him in the room, he felt the prayers of God’s people, and that is what allowed him to be OK.

January is 4 years of remission. And today we don’t mope in sadness for the diagnoses we rejoice for the VICTORY!

We pray for the families that are still facing this monster, we pray for their strength and courage. There is a light at the end of the long dark tunnel. And through it all He was with us. Today we are thankful for the trial, because today we all have a testimony

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